Mindful Silence Needs Wisdom
“Although staying silent in the face of provocation is certainly commendable, it may not be sufficient; silence needs to be tempered with wisdom.” Tara Anand.
In the face of provocation, staying silent might be the most immediate appropriate thing to do, not to escalate a situation. Sometimes, maintaining composure and refraining from reacting impulsively to a provocation can be enough to momentarily de-escalate a situation.
A moment of silence can be helpful in recollecting ourselves and bringing awareness to emotional states before responding to a situation. Using a mindful pause as an emotional regulation strategy can potentially help down-regulate emotional conversations, potentially defusing an argumentative trigger that could escalate a situation (Koster et al., 2023).
From this point of view, taking a silent pause before responding might reflect a level of maturity tempered by restraint to the other person. As pointed out, this can help defuse a moment of tension by passing on the message to the opposing party that you will not entertain their provocation.
Yet, let us not underestimate the difficulty of maintaining composure and refraining from reacting impulsively when faced with provocation. It is a test of our self-control and ability to be aware and regulate our emotional responses before responding—an internal struggle that often goes unnoticed but is no less significant.
The practice of mindfulness can help in such moments. Mindfulness can help with monitoring our present-moment experience in a non-reactive, accepting way (Lindsay & Creswell, 2017). This has been found to increase meta-awareness and help with emotional regulation and response inhibition in stressful situations (Creswell et al., 2014; Lindsay et al., 2018)
Incorporating certain mindfulness practices in daily life, like taking a mindful pause before responding, can help down-regulate emotional responses, reducing overinflated reactionary responses (Koster et al., 2023). Examples of two short mindfulness practices that can help with this are the STOP practice from Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and the 3-Step Breathing Space from Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy.
A mindful pause allows space for a thoughtful response and more constructive, meaningful communication.
However, silence as a response is not without its limitations. Taking a silent pause alone may not always be sufficient in addressing conflict or provocation, especially if these stem from deep-rooted issues like continued unresolved disagreements. Further, in certain situations, silence can be taken as acquiescence “to accept something without protest,” which surely will not address the situation or underlying concerns.
Actually, it can be taken as a show of passivity, which can be quite harmful as it implicitly passes on the message that behaviours or actions that might be deemed as inappropriate or unacceptable are ok.
This is where the power of wisdom comes into play. Silence needs to be tempered with wisdom—the wisdom to respond to situations with careful consideration of the circumstances and the broader context and a considerate approach to responding or acting.
This wisdom involves the ability to discern when silence is truly the most appropriate response and when it may be necessary to break that silence in a thoughtful and constructive manner. It reminds me of the quote attributed to Victor Frankl:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
So, that pause and silence need to be infused with discernment and wisdom, allowing for a nuanced approach.
It’s a recognition that there may be instances when speaking up, expressing one’s viewpoint, setting boundaries, or engaging in respectful dialogue is crucial for addressing injustice, fostering understanding, or enacting positive change. It Is about our ability to communicate these effectively, by choosing the right words and tone of voice, so as to navigate complex situations with sensitivity and foresight. Anand (2024) commented,
“Although staying silent in the face of provocation is certainly commendable, it may not be sufficient; silence needs to be tempered with wisdom,”
The key message is that while silence in the face of provocation can be admirable, it should be accompanied by wisdom – tempered by prudence, discernment, and the conviction to act or speak when necessary, upholding our principles, asserting boundaries so as to work towards constructive resolutions that promote a compassionate understanding towards ourselves and others.
Following is a link to a pdf which you can work through on Mindfulness Skills and how to cultivate wise responding by the University of California San Francisco -https://psychiatry.ucsf.edu/sites/psych.ucsf.edu/files/MINDFULNESS%20SKILLS%20MANUAL.pdf
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References
Anand, T. (2024, May 13). On differentiating ‘Noble Silence’ from ‘The Silent Treatment’. Retrieved from Tricycle: https://tricycle.org/article/noble-silence-reflection/
Creswell, J. D., Pacilio, L. E., Lindsay, E. K., & Brown, K. W. (2014). Brief mindfulness meditation training alters psychological and neuroendocrine responses to social evaluative stress. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 44, 1-12. doi:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2014.02.007
Koster, F., Heynekamp, J., & Victoria, N. (Eds.). (2023). Mindful communication: Speaking and listening with wisdom and compassion. London: Routledge.
Lindsay, E. K., & Creswell, J. D. (2017). Mechanisms of mindfulness training: Monitor and acceptance theory (MAT). Clinical Psychology Review, 51, 48-49. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2016.10.011
Lindsay, E. K., Young, S., Smyth, J. M., Brown, K. W., & Creswell, J. D. (2018). Acceptance lowers stress reactivity: Dismantling mindfulness training in a randomized controlled trial. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 87, 63-73. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2017.09.015